Well, I'm Back

OK, I'm back, and it's time for the mother of all posts - the 2004 wrap up. My trip to New Zealand was great, and it was wonderful to see my family and friends, but it's good to be back here, too. I've been assimilated. It feels right that Christmastime should be snowy rather than sunny, and that it gets dark at 4.30 rather than 9.30. Funny story: one day after arriving back in Minneapolis, my wife Amy and I went to Madison to have a Christmas with her family. On Friday night I awoke at about 4AM with literally no idea which CONTINENT I was in. I kept looking up at the window in Amy's old bedroom, trying to figure out where the hell I was. It was a pure example of being absolutely confused. Finally my wife awoke and informed me of my physical location. I'd like to tell myself I would have figured it out eventually. I'd like to, but I can't.

Ok, so back to the end of the year. I figured I'd just put down a bunch of 'Best-of' lists, with notations only where neccesary. So - to begin, lets start out with TV!

Best TV of the Year:

5. 24 (Fox)- the virus storyline started slow but got great. Favorite moment: an inspired scene where Jack Bauer chops off his partner's arm with an axe - and his partner sincerely thanks him.

4. The Amazing Race (CBS)- not the one that's on now, which I haven't seen much of, but the one with Chip and Kim and Colin and Christy. Favorite moment: Colin tells his fiance "I hate you so much" as he keeps slipping in mud behind an intractible plough-beast. Second favorite moment: "Lord, help her." - this from a wimpy male model as his fiance is sexually assaulted on a crowded Calcutta bus.

3. House (Fox)- brilliant medical show with a fabulous misanthropic title character who also happens to be a genius. Very well written. Favorite moment so far: Nun (who suspects her fellow Nun may be a hypochondriac): "She believes in stupid, made up things." House, (puzzled): "Isn't that a prerequisite for your job?"

2. Lost (ABC)- Impossible to categorize but also impossible to miss. Can't wait to see what twists are in store with this show. Favorite moment: Locke realises he can walk.

1. Angels In America (HBO)- One of the greatest made for TV pieces of art ever. Moving, funny, smart, mysterious, irreverent, stunningly acted. Favorite moment: "The world won't end in a flood - it will end in fire" - behind this 1986 conversation, the Twin Towers loom.

Best Movies of the Year:

5. Dawn of the Dead - perfectly accomplishes what it sets out to do - scare the crap out of you. Favorite moment: birth of the zombie baby.

4. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (Quentin Tarantino)- a fantastic time at the movies - and an incredible wrap up to a tripped out thrill ride. Favorite moment: The Bride digs her way out of the coffin.

3. Collateral (Michael Mann)- pretty much a perfect movie Tom Cruise manages to be very scary in this story. There was a moment in this movie where you could literally hear (or not hear) the entire audience holding it's collective breath. That kind of control only belongs to the best directors. Favorite moment: Cruise stalks his prey in a crowded nightclub.

2. The Incredibles (Brad Bird)- If Spidey 2 brought comics into our world, this dragged us into their world, and we loved what we saw. Fabulous story, characters, subtext. Fave moment: impossible to pick.

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Michael Gondry)- it astounds me that this movie has been forgotten now that awards nominations are being made. First of all Jim Carrey deserves an Oscar for this. He's so wonderful as the timid, nebbish hero of the story its hard to believe he's Jim Carrey. Michael Gondry, the director, also deserves an Oscar for making such a confusing story so funny as well as moving. Favorite moment: "Meet me in Montauk".

Best Videogames of the Year:

5. Halo 2 (Xbox) - great action, great scale, great multiplayer. Favorite moment: Jumping aboard the giant moving cybertank that has been destroying the city and killing its crew before blowing it up.

4. Top Spin (Xbox) - Makes tennis exciting in what may be the best party game ever. I go to bed at night praying for a sequel. Best moment: Any doubles game with 3 real people.

3. Burnout 3 (Xbox) - Two words: Crash Mode. Favorite moment: finally unlocking the fire engine and smashing it into a gas truck.

2. Rallisport Challenge 2 (Xbox) Incredible looking, realistic feel, amazing career mode. Best racing game ever made. Best moment: completing the 15 mile desert hillclimb.

1. Half-Life 2 (PC) - Immersive, groundbreaking, moving and fun. The new benchmark for videogame greatness. Best moment: airboat chase.

Biggest Stories of the Year

5. Torture at Abu Ghraib (Bush administration)- AKA Operation:How To Make Them Hate Us Even More. Favorite moment: Rush Limbaugh says the abuses are no worse than 'fraternity hazing'.

4. No Weapons of Mass Destruction ( Bush administration)- turns out those wimpy UN inspectors were right. Favorite moment: Bush asking the UN for help.

3. Bush wins re-election (Bush administration)- are you still depressed? I kind of am. Favorite moment: "The Internets."

2. Iraq War amazingly not over yet (Bush administration)- but the important thing is, with all the thousands dead, nobody's being held accountable yet. See 3. Favorite Moment: soldier confronts a stunned Rumsfeld with the obvious - why are our troops not as safe as they could be?

1. Global warming accelerates - (Western society/Bush administration) not that you'd know it by reading the mainstream media. This is the biggest danger facing the world right now, as a leaked Pentagon document asserted. In the next 3 decades oceans will rise, cities will fall, and deserts will bloom. And unless we do something quickly, being able to say 'I told you so' isn't going to be very comforting. Favorite moment: Bush saying 'the jury's still out' on Global Warming while Alaska villiages vanish under the melting icecap floods. Don't expect any action from this administration till Kennebunkport Maine gets hit.

Coming soon: Predictions for 2005.

Happy Holidays!